Scared

Scared as i will be going to Gleneagles later at 12 to do my pap smear. After hearing what Maggie say i think i should be firm and do it. Not wait till it too late then maybe i will die and nobody will know the reason also.

I am really scare, everytime i go look for Doc Chong, i feel scared!!!!!
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After i finished the treatment in his clinic everytime, i will be very scared that he will call my HP as if he call means that something is WRONG.
i always hope that he rather dont call. Just mail me the report.

Please pray for me that everything will be smoothly as planned.

Just received a call from Isaac Music school, they said that my Giro deduction is not successful & i will have to made payment this Sunday while he have class. I guess so as i never saw the deduction in my account statement. We are going to be alone tomorrow haha, Honey is busy with work so i shll have to go shopping with Isaac alone lo. To shop for his stationery as my this very clever son, left his pencil case in school after his class and ended up the blur me did not know about it untill last Sunday class, Pencil case missing lo. =]
Have to check his bag already.

My this son is not paying attention to me when he is engrossed in his cartoon or toys.
I find it sould not be this way as he is growing and learning.
I really need to limit his cartoon time as he really dont like to study and do his work. He rather watch cartoon.
My mum keep saying it is bad, i think so.
The experts claim that, when children are below 7,t hey should play all they want as after they go to primary school, they wont have time to play anymore.
I agreed, but they should learn more when they are in pre school i think, so they wont have a hard time catching up when they are in Primary 1.
Yesterday, honey pop me a question and i was liked....
The whole thing is Isaac is born in December so he is so called bad date 1 year from his current age la.
Then honey asked me, Next year Son study what level already har?
I said K1 lo, then he exclaimed with his big eyes.
So fast meh, not K3?
I was like, wanted to slap his face haha.
In Singapore, where got K3?
OMG =]
i explained to him lo.
By right Son should be 4 years old this year.
Next year is 5 already ma, but because he is born in Dec so he will only be offically 5 in Dec.
2 more months, my son will be officially 4 haha, but Jan he is already 5 years old.

Times flies so fast, without realising, son going to be 5 no more small baby already haha.

Seriously if you asked me if i have any regrets giving birth to him. I have non.

Seriously, i felt he is the love, joy and everything that the god gave me, this is nothing that i can have compared to what ever result i have gained all this year. Nothing can be compared to my precious.
Yes he can be naughty, dont listen to me.
Overall, he is my pride, my joy.
I will never let anything happen to him.
I love you son.

Emo agian..

haha, recently always like that like to any how think. hais...
I was never like that before dont know why suddenly like that. Zzz

Son will/ can join the piano class in Dec already.
I am excited haha.
Seeing my son learn Piano...
Like i always dream.
I dont care if i have to spend less every month due to his classes but i need to understand what i have been doing his purely for his benifits in future.
I dont want him to walk the path i have chose.
He need to be a carrer man in future when he grow up regards weather he still care about me when he have a new girl friend or so.

I was sad also to see that my family is not complete.
I mean my own family.
Everybody is busy with their own things.
There is no more warmth anymore.
I sometimes hope how good would it be if i can go back to the age of 7 or 8 till like 10 years old?
My family is close, warmth can be felt without saying but now.
NO
There are always a cause for certain things to take place but we cant fully blame the person.
If the person do not start, i guess today our family might not be like this.

I went back home yesterday, mum was alone at home with Isaac. Sister And dad not around.
It is quiet.
We had dinner together then honey came to fetch me.
The time is 8plus yet dad n sister is not at home.
I can feel the loneliess in her but some how she will get over it as she will get to go out with her "frens" and for that moment she will forget about us like how she used to.
Sometimes i feel my mum is the best woman in this world then sometimes i dont.
Sometimes i hate her.
Sometimes i love her.

I love the warmth in home, yet i cant get, over at honey place it is filled with it all times althought all people are working.

My mum and sister are someone who wont realised that someone is caring for them. that iswhy sometimes i called them selfish.

There are times when i am really angry with them as i needed help yet i cant get any cas they want the times to do their own thing.
I always angry because, i am your daughter n sister, you dont help me who is going to help me right?

I have too much to say already i guess, it can never finished de la.

They dont realised it because they are not the one, and they dont put themselves in others shoes. I will know how it feel as i observed this rule.

Well like the chinese always say,

"A kind of rice can rare different types of people"

This is true thou.

Well i just hope mum will be nice all this way not just for the past few days when she have no place to go them i/son is the one to Pei her. Then when she have time & place to go, me & son out of the picture again.

I seriously hope what i said will not happen and it is not the way i think.

Waiting for 11 plus to take bus NO 7 to Gleneagles, feeling EMO and scared.

Honey i am scare.
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