I sent around almost 5 sms to said IM SORRY!
Well i guess it take times to actually wait for her to cool down.
He know about what happen yesterday as son told him already, said he is scare as we were very loud esp me shouting etc.
I was surpised that son will tell him what happen at home while i was pumping milk.
=(
He said his aunty is coming up this Sunday to pass me baby things etc.
I sometimes wonder am i really having post natal depression now?
I suddenly can flare up for no particular reason or just feel like crying etc.
When i was happily laughing awhile ago..
I feel sad easily rather then before and also i am getting more tempermental...
Is there something wrong with me?
Can someone tell me is this the depression that i am hitting?
I even can forgo to go see my precious KYDEN yesterday and i went sleeping instead.
I duno what hit me, reali.
OK i admit i am really bad in chasing her and the shouting, but i duno why i just cant control myside and it reali just flare for that moment then when i cried, sleep wake up for around 1 hour, i feel normal and started to feel so bad that i wanted to make up for it.
I text my sister and she said she is not angry but seems sad. I know la.
I mean if my son next time do this to me obviously i will feel sad also.
I wished it does not happen la.
But well i duno i cant let people agitate me or keep nagging.
I will flare but this time round i think i over flare?
I am stilling feeling moody and restless now.
I cant sleep at all last night but when i cried i know im so tired, my mind keep replaying the same roles of last night over and over again till i finally doze off at 5am but keep waking up and never really sleep.
I woke up to pump milk at 7am then i tried to go bk sleep around 9am and i woke up at 12 plus again.
Im not tired now.
But im feeling heavy in my heart.
My sister always say that my mum is fair in everytyhing.
Sometimes i doubt so because she is not me she don understand.
I have my own family problems to worry about when my husband never LISTEN to me and i have to worry about this and that.
Im so so so so so so so so so so tired.
Sometimes i wished i can go back to be a kid this way i have no worries and i just go school and happily go home after that.
But i know i cant turn back time anymore.
Im already 24 no more going back to 7 years old when i was in Primary one already.
It's over already.
Now im a mother of 2 already there are more huge responsibilities that i have to carry rather then hoping a helping hand from others.
I tried to understand my mother hardship but i simply cant as her thinking is so far stretch from mine.
I cant behave like her the same way as her thinking is more of herself rather then the kids she hve.
I want the best for my kids only.
I dont care if i hve no enough food/ money/ etc for myself, as long as i can provide for them and they are happy im contented.
My mum, worries about herself, my sister more then me, when i was young i remember that i was not able to stay at home during all sorts of holidays.
She will pack my bag and sent me to my father sister house or grandmother house.
While my sister gets to stay at home with her.
If i want to go home, i have to call and pretend that im sick etc, but once im well i will get send back to the house till school holidays are over.
I envy my cousin whose parents are caring and also nice to them well they are nice to me also.
But there are times when they are heartless too and the kids are not fair but who can i turn to?
NO one....
I can only call my dad if he can send me home, but he cant as he got to work and at that point of times i guess he is afraid of mum thus he listen to mum only lo.
No choice that is life....
I always regards my dad the best in the world before i got married because althought he hardly talked or asked or concern about me, he seriuosly cared.
He is the type who dont comment de la.
But i deeply respect him.
Even when i stayed in hospital and after coming home, he went to hospital and called me to ask about me and baby when my mum did not only called and asked about other unrevenlent issues.
She only asked about baby like only last week onwards or when i cant remember.
I cant said she is totally bad nor what as overall she is still my mum but then i reali feel sad.
Sometimes i seriously wonder if im her real daughter or not!
Well it is not the time to talked about all this now already.
i have my own family to worried about.
Please just forgive me if u can!
Anyway 30 Sep is drawing near already. my birthday again.
I remeber it was my birthday too when i was having son but i am still 3 months away from giving birth la.
=)
Memories is always beemn remember but then there are just some which cant be erased.
Now my only worries is not about others anymore, it more about when can my No.2 be able to bottle fed totally on his own.
Please Jia You and learn well ok, Mummy is waiting for u to come home.
BTW, i need to get baby clothings for Kyden as the rest i buy for him is too big haha, when i did not know he decided to come out so early to see his mummy. Haha....
No worries Kyden will be a big boy very soon.
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