Friday

I am nice yet i am not treated the same way as i expected.

I tried to plan things for the weekend and also next weeka s i will be on leave yet it is the cold treatment that i got from you.

I know you are looking for J but then at least entertain me abit else i feel like an IDIOT toking to myself & looking feeling so fucking excited for nothing.

Told you about balloting etc, also i am the fool excited etc.

I am so sick of this type of lifestyle la, before certain people do something, please think for others not only yourself.

I say i can take it if it is like for 1 to 2 months of course, but if like for long i don think i can take it. Imagine you try to do it. I bet you cant and will feel tired like how i used to be before. Rushing and squeezing like mad.

I am not saying you are bad nor what but sometimes please think for me la, i am trying to be nice yet on the oher hand i got cold shoulder from you. Then why should i bothered making the effort, i dont see the needs already.

it is my birthday on 30 September 2008.

I dont feel so excited about it like previous year, it all seems so sad and lonely this year. Not the same feeling any more.

I guess when you stay in with someone the feeling will not be the same again. Last year i even got a chalet with you planning things for me.

Look this year. NOTHING

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When time pass & people are used to one another it will never be the same as before. A i always think it take 2 hands to clap. Well seems like i am the only one with a hand and it is not working. I dont want the same thing to happen again like 3 years ago. It sadden me so much. It is like .... Am i fated to have my life this way with no matter who i choose? I dont have the words regret in my dictionary but i dont wished to feel the WORD strongly.

I love you for who you are. If one day you are gonna change let me know fast so that i wont feel sad. Rather i will choose to remember the good times we have.

I have you by my side but somehow i feel it is lacking of love, Yes no more loving feelings, just a shell.

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Thsi year is not a good year for me and i dont feel like celebrating my birthday anymore also.

Please try to understand why i am eager to move out and why at all cost i also want!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont want to said anymore as you will always think i want to do this and that because of the dog. IT IS NOT. I want a home of myself